before it is too late

Just last weekend I had the chance to chat with my Cuzin john. He updated me with how Ate Emily, was doing. He has been taking care of her since she got hospitalized and operated on recently. Up to now, he takes care of her and goes with her for all her dialysis sessions. During our conversation, he mentioned to me that one of the patients who is having dialysis with our cousin died; it got me into thinking that it could happen to Ate Emily too. Seriously, she has had 4 (if i am not mistaken) near critical experiences; there was one time that we really thought she'd die- she got to the point of calling all her family who passed away already. God knows how much it pained me to witness that ordeal; I cried buckets of tears in fear of loosing a beloved cousin.

Ate has been like a sister to me in more ways than one. From my mom's side of the family she's my closest girl-cousin and we grew up together. We are alike in many ways; both eldest daughters, both have a sister who have outrageous fashion sense, we both love to read, and we love to spend time together and just chat even if it means staying up all night and paying for it the following day feeling light headed at work. We have bonded a lot, and because of this I thought that I would not want to regret not being able to do this while she can still appreciate it.

So before it is too late, Ate Emily, know that:

- I love you so much!
Yeah, yeah, I know I have expressed this to you in notes and text messages; I told you I love you the last time I visited you in the hospital. I just have to say it again. I know you hate overly dramatic stuff such as this- but hey, I'm the one writing and there's nothing you can do about it. :P

-I am sorry I have not visited you often
There's no excuse really except being preoccupied with work and stuff. But besides that, I have to confess that I am really scared to visit you. Not because I didn't want to see you or be with you, but because I am scared that I'll cry when I see your condition and I know you will not like it. Sorry.

-I am thankful for the wonderful memories we shared together
Memories, these we have lots and lots! Too many to share here though. I am just glad that when I close my eyes and think of you, the memory of your smiling face is the first thing that comes to my mind. (but this is not to say that you're an angel coz you got quirks you know! hahahaha). We have laughed and cried together, we shared gossip many times over, we have been in each other's side during trying times all I can say is that I am grateful that you have been a part of my life- you have touched it in more ways than one.

-I pray for you
I pray for your fast recovery
I pray for your finances (when kuya john told me your expenses for dialysis alone, I just shook my head. If I were filthy rich, you wouldn't have to worry about money. )
I pray that things will be easier for you- given your condition. There are some things we can't change, I just hope that each day will be lighter for you.
I pray that God will lift your spirits each day- His mercies are new every morning!
I pray that God will grant you the courage to accept the things that cannot be changed; the hope that things will get better; the joy in knowing that you are surrounded with people who love you!

Ate, if I can ask God to come down from Heaven just to hug you, I'll do that. I hope that through this you'll feel that His love and our love for you never ceases.